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it sucks to be me - avenue q

KATE MONSTER
Morning, Brian!


BRIAN

Hi, Kate Monster!


KATE MONSTER

How's life?


BRIAN

Disappointing!


KATE MONSTER

What's the matter?


BRIAN

The catering company laid me off.


KATE MONSTER

Oh, I'm sorry.


BRIAN

Me too! I mean, I always thought...


KATE MONSTER

What?


BRIAN

No, it sounds stupid.


KATE MONSTER

Aw, come on!


BRIAN

When I was little

I thought I would be


KATE MONSTER

What?


BRIAN

A big comedian

On late-night T.V.


KATE MONSTER

Oh.


BRIAN

But now I'm thirty-two

And as you can see

I'm not


KATE MONSTER

Nope.


BRIAN

Oh well.


KATE MONSTER

Mmmm.


BRIAN

It sucks to be me!


KATE MONSTER

Nooo.


BRIAN

It sucks to be me


KATE MONSTER

No!


BRIAN

It sucks to be broke

And unemployed

And turning thirty-three

It sucks to be me


KATE MONSTER

You think your life sucks?


BRIAN

I think so!


KATE MONSTER

Your problems aren't so bad

I'm kinda pretty

And pretty damn smart


BRIAN

You are!


KATE MONSTER

Thanks!

I like romantic things

Like music and art

And as you know

I have a gigantic heart

So why don't I have a boyfriend?

Fuck!

It sucks to be me!


BRIAN

Me too.


KATE MONSTER

It sucks to be me


BRIAN

It sucks to be me

It sucks to be Brian


KATE MONSTER

And Kate


BRIAN

To not have a job


KATE MONSTER

To not have a date!


BOTH

It sucks to be me!


BRIAN

Hey, Rod, Nicky, can you settle something for us?

Do you have a second?


ROD

Ah, certainly.


KATE MONSTER

Whose life sucks more?

Brian's or mine?


NICKY AND ROD

Ours!


ROD

We live together.


NICKY

We're as close

As people can get.


ROD

We've been the best

of buddies...


NICKY

Ever since the

Day we met.


ROD

So he knows lots

Of ways to make me really upset.

Oh, every day is an aggravation.


NICKY

Come on, that's an exaggeration!


ROD

You leave your clothes out.

You put your feet

On my chair.


NICKY

Oh yeah?

You do such anal

Things like ironing

Your underwear.


ROD

You make that very

Small apartment

We share a hell.


NICKY

So do you,

That's why I'm in hell too!


ROD

It sucks to be me!


NICKY

No, it sucks to be me!


KATE MONSTER

It sucks to be me!


BRIAN

It sucks to be me!


ALL

Is there anybody here

It doesn't suck to be?

It sucks to be me!


CHRISTMAS EVE

Why you all so happy?


NICKY

Becuase our lives suck!


CHRISTMAS EVE

Your lives suck?

I hearing you correctly? Ha!

I coming to this country

For opportunities.

Tried to work in

Korean deli

But I am Japanese.

But with hard work

I earn two Master's Degrees

In social work!

And now I a therapist!

But I have no clients

And I have an

Unemployed fiance'!

And we have lots

Of bills to pay!

It suck to be me!

It suck to be me!

I say it

Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-

Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-

Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-

Suck!

It suck to be me!


PRINCETON

Excuse me?


BRIAN

Hey there.


PRINCETON

Sorry to bother you, but I'm

looking for a place to live.


CHRISTMAS EVE

Why you looking all

the way out here?


PRINCETON

Well, I started at Avenue A,

but so far everything is out

of my price range. But this

neighborhood looks a lot cheaper!

Oh, and look - a "For Rent" sign!


BRIAN

You need to talk to

the superintendent.

Let me get him.


PRINCETON

Great, thanks!


BRIAN

Yo, Gary!


GARY COLEMAN

I'm comin'! I'm comin'!


PRINCETON

Oh my God!

It's Gary Coleman!


GARY COLEMAN

Yes I am!

I'm Gary Coleman

From TV's

Diff'rent Strokes

I made a lotta money

That got stolen

By my folks!

Now I'm broke and

I'm the butt

Of everyone's jokes,

But I'm here -

The Superintendent!

On Avenue Q -


ALL

It sucks to be you.


KATE MONSTER

You win!


ALL

It sucks to be you.


BRIAN

I feel better now!


GARY COLEMAN

Try having people

stopping you to ask you

"What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?"

It gets old.


ALL

It sucks to be you

On Avenue Q

(Sucks to be me)

On Avenue Q

(Sucks to be you)

On Avenue Q

(Sucks to be us)

But not when

We're together.

We're together

Here on Avenue Q!

We live on Avenue Q!

Our friends do too!

'Til our dreams

Come true,

We live on Avenue Q!


PRINCETON

This is real life!


ALL

We live on Avenue Q!


NICKY

You're gonna love it!


ALL

We live on Avenue Q!


GARY COLEMAN

Here's your keys!


ALL

Welcome to Avenue Q!

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